3 years later

My first stop the day I moved to London in September of 2019. Jet-lagged, but sat on the Thames in front of Westminster with a carton of strawberries and basked in the promise of the next three years.

​Writing is freedom from your thoughts. Thoughts circle and circle in your mind and either you free them, or they stay swirling, and the more trapped you tend to feel. It's usually in the midst of travel that this swirling starts for me, and I whip out my notes on my phone and just type my stream of consciousness. I feel like I'm about to embark on my memoirs at 26, which is cheeky in itself, but after three years living abroad it's highly overdue. I know I have led a privileged life this far, and as we all know, we have a story to tell. I wouldn't say I have an extraordinary life, but I feel its pertinent to share mine, in the hopes not only of inspiring others to reach for their dreams, but to finally stop this constant swirling.

In my 26 years, I have had most of my life planned out. Until I was 18, I was quite busy. It's not until you become an adult and leave home that you really gain perspective. That's right: it took 4000 miles, an ocean, and dependence for me to realize a lot. I was active growing up, but it's not until it comes out in conversation that I actually realize how active I was. Realizing that my life is not interesting to everyone, its not taken personally if you stop here, but part of this new process is for me to get out all my experiences and process where I am now, and where I want to be,  so bear with me. 

Growing up on a busy working farm in Indiana, I was active not only in 4-H for 10 years and all the projects and livestock responsibilities that accorded, but also required to care for animals, repair fences, run errands for my farmer father, mow the lawn, and complete random chores that I didn't have much choice in. Separate from my home life, I was raised in a conservative Wesleyan church, literally a few miles down the road from us, and also active in a Methodist church in town, where ALL my friends were. When not at home with my animals and family, I was at church events at least once or twice a week. 4-H occupied meetings if not once a week then a few times a month. I also was active in at least one sport from ages 4-18, being, in order, ballet/tap/jazz, soccer, track and field, and golf. I had various regional and national cattle shows throughout the year, on top of county and state fairs. I was a full time student taking gifted and talented classes through 5th grade, and advanced and AP classes through to senior year of high school, with various school clubs and honors societies included, also while playing Viola from grade 5-12 in school. NOW, when you write all that down it sounds intense, just as much as I'm sure you feel reading it. As I sit here and write this, much like while I was growing up, I knew how blessed I was. I have an incredible family who made it all possible, but as I was raised, all of it was possible with my faith in God and his blessings on us. 

Fast forward, I knew I wanted to attend my family's alma-mater Purdue, but with my genetic interest in fashion and constant sewing projects in 4-H, I found the best of both worlds in Purdue's Apparel Design program, one of the schools oldest home-ec programs. What gave me the promise of escape from farm life was their study-out-of-state program in coordination with NYC's Fashion Institute of Technology. Sold. 

Leaving home and going to Purdue was my first start at independence. I really didn't have any massive homesickness- I'm self-sufficient by nature, and while I missed my family at times, I knew away from the farm was my destiny, and I thrived. I met like-minded people who were ready for the unknown, and this lead to my first chance at leaving the country. 

My parents and mother's family have always been open about their travels. I remember when little, gazing at movies and tv, wondering at exotic and unique locations, thinking how much better the rest of the word was to my home in the boring midwest( I promise I see the beauty of home now, but more on that another time). I think even from a young age, I knew deep down those places weren't far off for me. Purdue gave me the chance at study abroad, and with a few of my fellow student friends interested, we applied and got accepted (not without it's drama, my friends found out one morning they were accepted, and I waited a whole 8 agonizing hours until I realized I had been all along, but it was in my junk folder). I'm sure I had heart palpitations when it dawned on me I had been accepted not only into FIT (discovered earlier that year) but also UAL: London College of Fashion, two of the best fashion schools in the world. Was I worthy?

I could retell you the story of my first London summer infinitely. It was my awakening. I remember sitting on my couch at home, booking my first transatlantic flight. I knew absolutely nothing about travel then, but the education (and mistakes) would come. I look back the selfie I took with my parents right before security at O'Hare. I was crying, as were my parents. They were releasing me into the unknown and unsure reaches of Europe, which worried them, but I was crying (mostly, I mean i was going to miss them) because it was the most exciting step out of my comfort zone thus far. In a strange way, it was completely comfortable for me, because looking back now, I knew it was a pivotal change in my life for the better. 

Landing in London was a blur. When you first leave your home country, especially crossing an ocean to get somewhere, the first realization is that life is the same everywhere. For some reason, I thought I'd be caught up in a film, as that was my previous exposure to this part of the world. But time ticks on, now matter what land your feet walk on. As this post is going to drag on long enough, I won't at this point indulge you in my first summer abroad, thats for another time. But in summary, it was incredible to say the least. Apart from studying, we country hopped as often as we could, and barely had a day to breathe. It was the What a Girl Wants, Mary Kate and Ashley, Lizzie McGuire fantasy life, but reality, for those three months. On top of all the incredible adventures, one thing was clear to me. London was my home. Getting on a plane back to the states was one of the most reluctant things for me, but I wasn't as sad as I could have been, because I knew in my heart I was coming back. 3 years after that, I was. 

The next few years that followed included my incredible year living in New York, and finishing Purdue, with more travel and adventures, including my first trip to Asia. These years were full of the best memories and experiences, more than I could have asked for, and I was eternally grateful to graduate with two degrees at 22. While friends and colleagues went into the workforce, all I could think of was my lack of desire to start a career, and therefore my intense desire to keep learning. I have never been shy to go my own way, and after consideration I fulfilled my wish to return to London by being accepted in Bespoke Tailoring at LCF. It was another BA, because I wanted more than a year of time there, which a masters would be, and I wasn't sure a topic of a masters yet anyways. I made the decision to defer, and after a year of retail and sewing work, I was ready for full time student status again, and better yet, being an expat. 

In September of 2019, my life was at the cusp of a revival. I was finally moving back to London. All was fantastic, until the ill-timed arrival of COVID. March 2020, when I was about to embark on a month of spring break European travel, the world shut down. Lucky for me, I was home bound when it broke, and therefore was able to spend more time with my family, and due to my visa, I could easy travel between countries.  But what a crush to my plans. Half of my degree was taught in the confines of Covid. I'm sure if I would have started blogging when I moved, that the year and a half in lockdown would have been rantings and ramblings of how much I had wasted my time and money because of the virus. I lost valuable time, learning online, in a course that really can't be taught except in person. My university failed to realize this, and as they did their best, it still was agonizing to live through. I pushed through, and still made projects I'm proud of in my living room. I know God had a plan for me to attend when I did, and to the day I still am trying to realize this. This past year was the hardest push I've ever had, mentally and physically (for my poor fingers, as 90% of my work is done by hand). May 30, I handed in my Major Project Realization, July 14, I graduated with my third degree, and July 15, I exhibited my collection at a London university salon show. Wow. My 15 year old self wouldn't believe it. 

And now, here I am. July 24, 2022. Sitting at a coffee shop close to home, pouring out my story,  wondering whats next. As I've said, my life has always been quite planned out. It's not often I wondered, Whats next? without an immediate answer. But thats where I am, and I have to make the best of it. I can honestly say at 26, that I could die happy right now without many regrets, one of the few ones being not minoring in German at Purdue (I'd be fluent by now, and it would be so much more satisfying). However, I do have a free German tutor (sister) a phone call away who is more patient with me than anyone else could be. So I have that problem partially solved, but not the large one. What next?

I won't lie and say I don’t worry, because I do. I'm at a pivotal point in my life, and someone recent said it's ok to be nervous, because its the beginning of a new chapter, and a comfort zone being breached. I've been a student most of my life, and now it's time to test my education. It's time to push into the unknown and find where I belong.  I have lots of ideas and innumerable areas of interest, so it shouldn't be hard, but if I've learned anything- the more curious you are, the harder it is to find your true passions. I'm in a new position, but I'm determined not to be lost. 

God has my plan, so I have no need to worry. 

Instead, I'm taking the opportunity to keep learning. Staying stationary for long isn't an option. I'm going to take short courses, I'm going to catch up on reading. I'm going to reach out to anybody that could lead to something that's beyond what I thought for myself. I'm going to hold off on traveling much, because prices are treasonous. All this is going to come. But for now,  I'm writing. I'm catching up on 26 years of thoughts and opinions. I'm going to discuss my life, my inner workings, and things to inspire you, and re-inspire myself. I'm going to reflect on my travels and experiences, and share to those of you who are afraid to do them, so they become less scary. I'm sitting 4000 miles away from my homeland, not knowing whats next, so I promise you, you are capable of taking that uncomfortable first step. If I accomplish anything from this, I hope it's to break someone free, and realize the world isn't that big, and a rural farm girl from Indiana can do it. So can you. 

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