Alone

Alone.

We are born alone, and we will die alone. 

This saying will fill some with horror and some with peace. While your first reaction says a lot about how comfortable you are with yourself, let me not get ahead of myself. 

The feelings elicited from this saying can hinge on how we look at the word alone. Some see alone for what it is, being solo, some see it exclusively as lonely. In my brain, there is a vast chasm of difference, and it really changes the course of our lives on how we live this out. 

Today, I took myself on a date. It had been a while since I’d chosen to go out and have a day on my own. When I first moved abroad, I had no choice but to take myself out all the time, and unintentionally, that’s where I discovered more of who I was. Now that I have a community of people around me to do life with, I find I have to intentionally have a date with Hayley. Looking back at my life from a birds-eye view, moving abroad was the culmination from a childhood of wanderlust and passions gathering kindling and a transformational and eye-opening 4 years at university that lit the match. One summer in Europe and a year in NYC of ups and downs forced me into this decision: I chose not to see my company as loneliness, but to enjoy solitude. 

Lonely tends to bend towards unwanted seclusion, wanting companionship desperately. This is a totally normal human experience and we all go through it. It’s in times of loneliness where we examine ourselves, and can go to deep places in our minds. It’s these times that I believe can determine how we feel about ourselves. I read something recently that you will never have more conversations with anyone else but yourself in your head, and that’s really the truth of it. Am I ok with my loneliness? Will I accept it, figure out who I am through it? Or will I distract myself, and paint over it all, find a partner or vice or career that will numb me to myself and what’s going on in my head? Will I deny I’m lonely, or deny how it makes me feel? Will I deny myself a glimpse into knowing myself, to grow and blossom and be aware of who I am, which actually takes lots of time being alone? These questions are the make or break point that changes our perception on what it means to be alone, and whether or not we will embrace it. You have to be comfortable with yourself, know your identity as a person inside and out, and actually be able to say you like yourself. 

The thoughts in my head will never quite articulate themselves correctly onto the page, but there’s such beauty in that, right? We have to be aware of our strengths, weaknesses, skills, and interests, but also our darker recesses we usually try to deny to ourselves. They all contribute to who we are and what choices we make, and so the beauty about you is you know you best. I realized quite early on in adulthood that I had lots of curiosities and passions that I wanted to explore, and since I’m an introvert and only in the last few years have become more extroverted, I saw I just had to nurture my interests and learn new things on my own steam. That meant traveling, going to museums and experiences, eating out, and ultimately, living, all on my own.

Solitude is a powerful word. For me, it’s ultimate freedom- doing what I want to do and knowing my own mind without other’s influence, while still being open minded. It’s self-sufficiency. It’s liking my own company. It’s not being afraid to have a whole day, or even week, or longer to myself. Solitude is where we speak to ourselves, without the influence of outside forces, and decide everything about who we are. Solitude is a great gift that I believe few cherish and many discount way too soon. 


Today, I took myself on a date. I went to an old historic manor house to see a small exhibition of my favorite artist. I took in the paint, the plaques, the brushstrokes, and the energy. I bought myself lunch and ate it alone on a bench while people-watching. I went into a few second-hand bookshops and bought a few books. I walked across a sprawling lawn, spread out a blanket, and read and rested for a few hours. I walked to a pergola with blooming flowers, and smelled in the divine natural scents. I found another bench and rested for a while. I walked into a village area teaming with people, walked through narrow streets and bopped into shops. Then I came home. Some of my fondest memories, and most rewarding for sure, are the ones where I was alone. Because when you make the effort to know yourself, you realize how great of a time you can be. 

A good friend once told me that no one cares about what you do or how you look more than yourself. We are all selfish creatures. While some might stare and judge for a second, they will soon forget and go back to thinking about themselves. That advice hit me at just the right place and time in my life, as these things tend to, and it changed my outlook on how I go about my every day. Take yourself on a date. Worried about people looking at that person sitting alone? They don’t care as much as you think, but more importantly, what do you think about yourself, sitting there on your own? I bet it will feel better than you think. If you are new to the game, take a book or journal as a crutch. Order a drink or a bite to eat. Write how you feel. Immerse yourself in a story. Sit with your eyes closed and think. People watch, but not too closely. Mull over life’s big questions and where you stand on them. Write it down. Take yourself for a walk. Learn who you are, and if you don’t like yourself, start working on who you’d like to be. Practice a bit of solitude, and soon you will see the beauty of you. 

My “brand”, if you want to call it that, or rather general life aesthetic and motto when I have been designing and sewing for the last 10 years is Alleine. It’s German for alone, and I have always identified with it as a word and thought it was beautiful rolling off the tongue. For me, Alleine was making garments for the confident, independent, and self-sufficient woman who knows herself and what she is capable of on her own.

We are born alone, and we will die alone. But alone is not bad, it’s where you get to know you.